Humans, we are mysterious creatures. Which floats my boat might not float yours – and what about the attraction? We are all turned on by different qualities, especially in a partner. From their sense of humor to their size, their gender, the color of their eyes, their self-confidence, their origins, their manners, their goals and even their profession, different factors will matter to us more or less.
There are many ways people identify with themselves: bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual, gay, lesbian, queer, but one sexuality you may not have heard of is sapio-sexual. We asked Dr. Becky Spelman, psychologist and clinical director of The Private Therapy Clinic to explain everything we need to know.
What is sapiosexuality?
“Sapio sexuality is when someone finds another person’s intelligence attractive or exciting,” says Dr. Becky. Intelligence is the most important trait a sapio-sexual person would look for in their partner, and LGBTQ + and heterosexual people can identify as sapiosexual.
Aren’t most of us drawn to intelligence?
“A lot of us are drawn to individuals who are very obviously intelligent, but in most cases other factors such as appearance matter,” says Dr. Becky. “There are aspects of sapio sexuality present if we refuse to date someone who has anything less than high intelligence, but if we also examine other aspects or physical qualities of the other person, then we cannot say that we are really sapio sexual, ”she adds. .
How do you know if you are sapiosexual?
“Someone who is truly sexual sap will not look at a potential partner’s other traits such as physical appearance,” says Dr. Becky. “There won’t be a whole list of criteria that the person has to meet, but the sapio sexual person will focus only on the type of intelligence that she finds attractive; becoming more and more intimately drawn to the individual solely on this basis.
How does sapiosexuality work in relationships?
“In a sapio sexual relationship, the two partners spend a lot of time talking to each other and communicating. Learning from each other is very important, ”says Dr. Becky. Things like political debates, literary discussions, and an intellectual connection are what motivates sexual arousal.
What are the critiques of sapio-sexuality and is sapio-sexuality a true sexual orientation?
“Often times, sapio sexuality is viewed as something that is not real and this attraction cannot be based purely on intelligence,” says Dr. Becky. “However, each individual has the right to give themselves a label that suits them if they choose to do so, without criticism from others,” she argues. Nonetheless, there has been a lot of debate as to whether sapio-sexuality is a sexual orientation or a fetish and some believe that even though sapio-sexuality is outside of traditional binaries, it cannot be considered a marginalized group. in the same way as other members of the LGBTQ + community, because sapiosexuality itself (being attracted to intelligence) does not face the same discrimination as other sexualities, especially if they are heterosexual and cisgender.